This is one TIRED sistah! I'm drained mentally, physically, and emotionally. Worked from 0745 to after 2000 hours every single day this week. I dealt with the madness that is my workplace (mostly a good madness). I worked while in what could only be described as the worst pain of my life. I saw my husband maybe a total of six hours this week - a happy NaKia this does not make. So, while all that is going on, I'm dealing with someone who calls themselves my friend and says that they love me, but feels the need to speak to me like I'm beneath them. Today, it's I "don't know my place." Tomorrow, it's "I don't know when to be quiet." The next day, it's "I hear but I don't listen."
I get so tired of people telling women that they have a "place" or that they should "know when to be quiet" or they should censor themselves. This is 2012 and if my husband doesn't have a problem with my expressive nature, then who are you to think I'm going to change, all just for you? Really? Can you be more shallow? Just because I don't foam at the mouth when you say certain things or have a way with words, because clearly the kind of women you come across can be wooed or stumped by a few words, doesn't mean that I am any less a lady or a woman. It just means that I require more substance in what I'm told and in conversation. To say that my education "messed me up" was the final clue in a series of them to let me know to run in the other direction.
So, this week I learned that I am fine just the way that I am. My Creator didn't make me a weak woman, so neither can human beings. What I dealt with this week made me realize that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. Oh, I talk a good game, but sometimes, I feel....weak, broken. Sometimes, another person's insults can shine a light so bright that you cannot ignore it. I may not say all the right things all the time, but my heart is ALWAYS in the right place. I try to never say anything out of a will to hurt another person. I have no problem saying "I'm sorry" or "I'm wrong." But I would rather apologize than ask for permission.
I love myself way too much and my Creator loves me way to much for me to take myself down a notch just to appease a person who obviously doesn't know what a real woman is. No, not every woman is as expressive or as outspoken as I am, but to attempt to change the woman that is that way is to attempt to change the work of our Creator, and no human can do that...and as Mia from Pulp Fiction said, "that is an exercise in futility."
